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End of patience
Posted on: 11/22/2004
Question
I am a 13 year old boy. Over the summer I made friends with a neighbor boy who is 14. We go to the same school but are in different grades. At first he was fun to hang out with but he goes overboard. I found out he has ADHD and doesn't have that much self control or friends. He puts me down and makes me look bad in front of my friends. He's possessive and gets jealous when I want to do things with my other friends. I need space. I'm losing my other friends because of him. He rides with me to school. I want to distance myself from him but he follows me around. I've tried talking to him but he is not a good listener. What should I do? I'm at the end of my patience.
Answer
Sounds like you don't necessarily want to cut him off entirely but somehow make limits work with him. If he doesn't understand your explanations, maybe cutting to the chase will help; make it short, simple, and assure him you will still include him. You might suggest "hey, I want time on my own now, but let's get together at (such and such a time) for (name activity)"; giving him a specific time makes it concrete and assures him of your commitment; naming an activity sets up a plan that isn't just talking (where he may irritate you) and also allows him to feel you see yourself doing something WITH him.
Riding to school exclusively with him might be changed into including others as well; ask friends who live farther out to come by your place on the way and you'll both join them; possibly riding home with him on afternoons you can spend an hour together will make up for afternoons you decide to stay at school, bike to someone else's house, or have extracurricular activities. Anyway, working it out, in a structured simple way beats losing a friend who may grow out of his irritating manner in the year ahead.
