Main content

    Teen FAQ

    For over 10 years, teens have been asking us questions on every topic imaginable. While we are no longer taking new questions, we have a wealth of information we would like to share with teenagers.

    Questions about suicide? Call the NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433).


    Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Sexual Pleasure/Pain > Was it my fault?
    Posted on: 12/06/2004

    Question

    This has been bothering me a lot. The first time I had sex I always wanted to be special. One day a good friend and I ended up fooling around. Somehow we started talking about going all the way, it was really spontaneous. Then I started feeling like I didn't want to but I didn't really say anything because I was scared since I had engaged in a lot of the foreplay. But I didn't feel like he really asked me, he just kind of started. I know I could have said no and he would have listened, even though I felt pressured. I feel like it was just a big mistake I made but sometimes I wonder if he did something wrong, if he shouldn't have done that. He didn't kiss me the whole time, I just laid there waiting for it to be over. Do you think this was my fault?

    Answer

    I am very sorry that your first sexual experience was not what you expected it to be and that you have some regrets. I hope that you have been able to not continue the sexual relationship with this friend and to talk about your feelings. I can offer this:

    First, if you said "I do not want to do this" or "no" at any time, even after lots of foreplay, the male should have stopped. If you did not express your thoughts, but just "checked out" he may not have known how you felt, as his own hormones had kicked in.

    Second, even if there is no "fault," it is important that you realize how easy it is for those feelings to sweep you into sexuality, and make a decision that you are or are not ready to continue being sexual.

    Finally, you can have the first experience you wanted with someone in the future - just remember to talk about expectations and feelings, and never be afraid to say what you feel and expect others to respect what you say.


    Answered By:
    Nancy Brown , Ed.S, M.A., Ph.D.


    Back to previous
    Back to FAQ Home Page