For over 10 years, teens have been asking us questions on every topic imaginable. While we are no longer taking new questions, we have a wealth of information we would like to share with teenagers.
Questions about suicide? Call the NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433).
FAQ Home Page
Posted on: 12/20/2004
About 2 years ago I was a really depressed guy and I didn't know what to do. I found a girl and she's great we were instant friends, the problem is, it grew into something much more then friends, and she is much younger then me (turning 14 in a month). About a year ago we told each other how we felt and she asked me to wait for her, I said okay, but as time passes I'm beginning to think that there's something wrong with me. I'm worried that I should not feel the way I do. I sometimes think it would be best to "break up" with her, but I don't know if I could break her heart like that. She's crazy about me and is such a great person. She tells me stuff like "the only reason I'm doing well in school is because of you". She's a great girl and I care a lot about her but if my parents found out or anyone else for that matter I think I could get in a lot of trouble. We talk about everything together. Just so you know, we haven't done anything sexually at all, just met a few times when she was on sporting teams near me and mainly talk on the Internet. Please give me some advice.
You are very wise to question this relationship since with your age difference you can get in trouble with the law if you pursued a romantic relationship. It would be best to kindly and gently tell her that you have been doing some soul searching and although you care for her very much, you recognize that she is too young for you. This is certainly the thing to do if you really care for her as she is becoming too dependent on you. She needs to build her own sense of self confidence. She sounds very needy (as you were when you met her) and it is often very attractive to have an older, wiser male to talk with for support. Give her a chance to grow up so that she can be successful on her own so you are not "the only reason" she can do well. If she has a lot of trouble with you not being around, you might suggest she see a counselor since it does sound like she needs someone she can trust to discuss her feelings.