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    For over 10 years, teens have been asking us questions on every topic imaginable. While we are no longer taking new questions, we have a wealth of information we would like to share with teenagers.

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    Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Self-mutiliation > Helping a friend
    Posted on: 01/10/2005

    Question

    My friend is cutting herself. I was talking to her and telling her it wasn't the correct way to fix her anger or to make her feel better. Also, she was anorexic over this summer, but told me that she's not anymore, but I don't understand, because at lunch everyday, she buys a bagel but she doesn't eat it. I don't know what to do, and how to help, she's telling me that I don't understand her, and maybe I don't, but what do I do, to help her, before this gets worse?

    Answer

    Tell your friend in a gentle, caring way that you are very concerned for her because you see evidence that she is harming herself both with cutting and not eating. Tell her you may not understand all that is going on with her and why she acts the way she does, but you know as her friend you cannot just stand by and watch her harm herself without strongly encouraging her to get help.

    Get her agreement to talk to a school counselor, teacher, family doctor, or any trusted adult she is willing to confide in about her anger or whatever else is bothering her. Offer to go and talk to the adult with her if she does not want to go alone.

    If she absolutely will not get help for herself then you talk with a trusted adult about what you can do to help your friend. This is never easy, but you are doing the right thing to not keep silent and allow her to continue to be self-destructive. It is too much to keep this information to yourself if she will not go for help and it is best to share it with someone in your community who has training in knowing what can be done.


    Answered By:
    Joyce Brothers Kart , MFT


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