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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Relationships > Friend in trouble
Posted on: 02/07/2005
Question
My friend is 12 years old and is drinking, smoking pot and sneaking out at night and walking miles to go stay with a boy 15 years old. What can I do as a friend that does not believe this is OK to help her understand what she is doing is wrong?
Answer
This is a great question, you obviously care a lot. Your steady friendship continues as a good example for her, but you can state your values as well as your limits. Such as not wanting to be with her while she is drinking and/or high, but that you are there for her otherwise. Tell her you cannot condone all her activities and that it upsets you. She may be exposed to way more than she is mature enough or ready to handle with her older boyfriend, she may even feel this at times, yet still doesn't know what else to do. You can suggest she be more assertive to her boyfriend and not take on behaviors that are not true to herself, and that if he really cared about her he would support healthy behaviors and a healthy relationship too. Let her know she is valuable to you and that you care a lot. Also, stay in very close touch with your own parents, teachers, counselors or trusted adult friends, to help give you stability. Good luck!