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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Relationships > Breaking up
Posted on: 07/05/2005
Question
I have been dating a guy for 3 years now and we've had our good times and bad times. But now I just don't feel happy. I suddenly realized what my mom was talking about when she said "you are moving too fast, you are too serious." I want to have fun and be a teen but he wants to get married. I've tried to break up with him but he just cries and makes me feel sorry and selfish. How do I get out?
Answer
It sounds like you care about him and he about you. Your needing to move at your own pace, or get distance, is a valid need and good plan. Although he wishes otherwise, it is what it is and you are who you are. It's about assertiveness, and that's worth developing. Try telling him, when things are neutral, that you appreciate him, and you'd like him to appreciate who you are and what your true needs are right now. Then state them clearly and matter-of-factly (include that you did and still do care about him) that you're not saying things in order to hurt him but instead to give him your honest self in communication. You can remind him that marriage when only one partner wants it is not a genuine union, and not satisfying in the long run. Stay with neutral statements, stay your empathic self, and stay with your insights. Also keep in close touch with family and good female friends who know you well, and take care of yourself.