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    Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Family Issues > Rebellious teen
    Posted on: 09/15/2005

    Question

    What are some ways to handle a rebellious teen? Behavior has changed. Progressively worse over one year. Recently for a short period of time, about a month, he was fine. Was not talking back. If I told him to do a chore he would, spoke kindly to his sister and came home on time. Not anymore, he is back to his old behavior. He is 16, his sister is 12. Very confrontational with me and his dad.

    For instance if we tell him to get off the computer he won't. If I would, his mom, reach to grab the mouse to shut the computer off myself he would snatch my arm and tell me to get away from him as mean as could. He tells me he hates me and he wishes I would die. Sometimes he apologizes the next day and sometimes not. He lies too. We just found out he went to a concert and he wrote us a note that he went to an amusement park. Any suggestions?


    Answer

    It is not clear why his resentful and acting-out behavior is escalating. It could be on of the following: He feels too constrained by parents as he grows more independent. He needs different handling as he becomes older (our parenting approaches that work for ten-year-olds don't work for 12 or 16 year-olds). He has gotten into a negative place with himself, in his peer group, with school or his job (and is acting out in distress). Or, if he has begun experimenting with substances or other behaviors that are less adaptive than his prior functioning.

    Whatever the cause, which can be multiple and related to family functioning, if it becomes physical it is over-the-line and out of control. He knows this and he knows that you know. It is time to get help. Your employer or your husband's employer most likely offers an employee assistance program where counseling and assessment can be started. You can also try a family service agency in your area or a referral from a friend. You can also call your medical insurance provider (find the phone number on the back of the card) and ask for mental health benefit coverage and list of providers in your area taking new clients. This isn't a time to wait it out, hope for the best, or just read parenting books on communication. It has gotten physical and unpredictable, and it relates to family interaction patterns. Get a family assessment and help for all. None of you feel will very good about yourselves as the situation continues and most likely escalates. Good luck!


    Answered By:
    Susan McKenzie , LCSW


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