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Teen FAQ

For over 10 years, teens have been asking us questions on every topic imaginable. While we are no longer taking new questions, we have a wealth of information we would like to share with teenagers.

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Posted on: 03/20/2006

Question

All four of my sisters drink, smoke and do drugs. One of them even had an unwanted baby. I know all of this, and my mother has no idea. My mother is constantly worried about my sisters, and I don't know how to help her. Should I tell her all of these things they have been doing? Or should I go with the old saying "ignorance is bliss"? I need to know what I should do.

Answer

Well, you can't change someone else's behavior, only they can.

You understandably care about your mother, and your sisters. However, your responsibility is to do the best you can for you in regards to health and healthy lifestyle, not to parent your sisters or be the caretaker of your mother either. You're the child, and worrying about whether or not to tell your mom probably takes a lot of your emotional energy. Your mother's responsibility is to find help from adults when it is called for, for herself and those she is concerned about.

You could suggest that the family get help (see a counselor) because you have feelings and questions and concerns that need to talk about. Your school, this Web site and teen hotlines all have referral sources; if your mother works her employee benefits probably cover counseling sessions at different places. And remember, your job at fourteen is to learn, laugh, love life and yourself, take good care of yourself, stay open with your family and stay in touch with friends that are good for you. Good luck!

Answered By:
Susan McKenzie , LCSW

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