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Posted on: 06/02/2006
Question
I been dating this guy for almost 4 yrs. I'm 20 yrs old and moved out of my parents house because I was being molested by my step-father. I told my mom about it and she didn't believe me. She kicked me out since I been living with my bf. My bf and I have been having ups and downs now he doesn't want me, hurts me emotionally and tells me he feels pity for me. I have no other family and I feel scared to leave and go nowhere. I been pretending to be happy but I just hurt myself more. How can I be stronger and show him I'm worth something and I could make it?
Answer
You are worth something, and you will make it; and recognizing your own strength (which you clearly have if you have been through what you're describing; you may not FEEL strong, but you ARE strong) will allow you to move ahead and make changes that are healthy for you. You need to share what has happened, talk with a counselor or an adult you feel close to, get into some counseling to sort out your feelings and begin identifying issues that can be dealt with, having someone to help you strategize everyday things can be a big support and feel relieving; also you'll need to report the molester simply because if he is still alive he is of risk to other children and adolescents (those who molest do not quit molesting just on their own). Make use of the support of friends besides your boyfriend, branch out and get to know other people, and don't stop trusting people, give them a chance; begin making contact on your own with your relatives, you still have some and you don't have to have those relationships determined by your family (as when you were younger). Check the hotlines and resources on our website, if you are in school your guidance office may have referrals for counseling (often family service agencies and your county's mental health department are good places to look); if you are doing any harm to yourself get help right away, and use healthy ways of relaxing every minute with every breath -- know you are strong and worthy.