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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Talking to Parents > Strict father
Posted on: 06/28/2006
Question
Hi. I have a problem I hope you can help with. I am 18yrs. old and a virgin. I'm in college, and have a year left for my associates degree to work in the medical field. (medical asst.) I am very smart, nice, sweet, easygoing, but with all the great person I am, and smart and goal minded and what not, I have issues with my parents. They know I'm a great person, and a "GOOD" girl, and they raised me that way, but I feel they want me to stay their little girl, and that's not possible. I cry almost every night because I want more freedom in my life, have a normal life, but they want to shield me from life. I mean problems, and things that can hurt you, making mistakes and whatever. How can you learn to take care of yourself if they do everything for you.
I have a boyfriend for 5 months now. They like him a lot, but don't let me see him that much. It hurts because I've known him for like a year now and fallen in love with him. He's perfect! A great guy, respects my wishes of staying a virgin, respects ME in general, has never mistreated a woman, just great. They know that, but fear he'll do something to me. That's life. You learn from mistakes and stuff. Im only 18 and want to go out, see the world, live! I can't do that.
What can I do to let them know that I have goals, and no matter what, no one is going to change that. I'm tired of crying, being depressed, not being able to sleep, because all I do is think about what to do to help myself! They don't seem to understand I'm a woman, in that a great woman, who's studying, STILL a VIRGIN, pretty, smart, funny! They see me as their shy little girl!
I'm all closed in because of them and I need out! I love my parents more than anything, because they have given everything for me, but now it's time for ME to do for myself.
I don't have much of a close relationship with my parents, so I can't really sit there and talk to them. It's very hard for me! Especially my strict father! I dont know where to start!!!
Please help! I can't take this anymore!
Answer
Hi,
Well it sounds like you've got a plan for your life and how you intend to procede in life (AA degree, medical field), love (respectful boyfriend), and now want a little more happiness in the family department. I take it that you live at home while attending college, if they don't let you go out or see him that much? You might propose counseling to them, for all of you, if it's hard to talk to them yourself; let them know you're wanting to improve your relationship with them, and need help in doing that, don't blame, just suggest. Often parents feel frustrated and anxious in their parenting too but are reluctant to seek help, some feel they're supposed to know "by now" how to deal with their family or even what's best for them. You might add that you think they'd get to know you even better and keep you closer by having some sessions specific to your expressing yourself with some help. Keep your healthy goals in mind and you'll reach them. Good luck.