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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Family Issues > Divorce and my child
Posted on: 10/01/2006
Question
i am divorced for 4 years - now trying to have a serious relationship with the best guy and my 11 year daughter is having alot of difficulty dealing with it- to the point of talking to her father (& live in girlfriend) about it. she says I am not spending enough time with her - now she is monitoring all my time and actions even though I have altered my schedule to spend more time with her -however, still doesn't seem like enough - she made comment "want you and dad back together"- keep in mind been 4 yrs & dad has live in girlfriend! plz advise-I have never had ltr since divorce-
Answer
Ironically, the fact that you have been divorced for four years may be part of the problem. From your perspective, a good bit of time has past and you are ready to move on. From your daughter's perspective, she is being asked to share you with someone not of her own choosing after an extended period of having you all to herself. She might be able to accommodate sharing you with her father, but not with a new person who seems to have taken her father's place.Moreover,it is possible that your daughter still had some hope that you and her father would reunite, despite clear evidence to the contrary. Your being with a new partner removes that possiblity.You might do well to proceed slowly and cautiously with integrating your partner into your daughter's life, since she is clearly not ready to accept him. Although it is probably helpful to have more time with your daughter, as you have found, no amount of time together will cancel out the new relationship in your daughter's mind. This certainly isn't a reason not to pursue a relationship you find satisfying. In fact, your daughter can gain from seeing you build a good life for yourself as long as you can be empathic to her feelings and allow time for her to adjust.