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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Family Issues > Missing dad
Posted on: 10/05/2006
Question
I've been told different things. My mom never told my dad that I was born until I was 2 and that's the truth. My mom says that when she told him, he said "just tell her I killed myself" and that's what I've believe for my whole life. I'm 13. Then I finally contacted my dad. I've only seen him like 3 times in my life but anyway... I called him one night and I was talking to him and then I asked him why did he tell my mom to tell me that he was dead. He said that he didn't say that. He said " she should have told me from the beginning. When I found out, I was in another relationship getting ready to get married." My mom and dad never married. And every night I think about this empty spot in my heart that can never be replaced but I did one time. When my mom married my step dad, she told me that he wanted to adopt me and she never brought it up again. But then they divorced after 6-7 years I think. But no one can ever fill in that hole... My dad has had 3 kids and is married now... And my main question is, back then, should he have accepted me and include him in his life? or now, should he try to include me in his life? I need answers
Answer
Hi,
Well there are no "Shoulds" in this, hindsight is all in the eye of the beholder; and yet, the beauty of it is, you do have people surrounding you in your life that care about you -- follow up with them, make contact but without expectations, just give of yourself through your contact and hope they are in a place in their lives that they can reciprocate somehow, and if they can't keep them in your heart and periodically try again. The empty place you feel is a natural feeling, but the reality is that you and your life aren't empty, it is a feeling. And you can begin to resolve your feelings through enrichening the relationships you have, nurturing yourself, spending time with friends, laughing, giving, and getting counseling support if you feel the need of more support and understanding. It is good you're looking at things and wondering and asking for other perspectives. Good luck!