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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Relationships > GF evading discussion about sex
Posted on: 10/20/2006
Question
I have been in a long-distance relationship with a girl for almost two years. I'm her first boyfriend and vice versa but she's now told me that she doesn't think she is a virgin despite telling me that she was for all of our relationship. She told me that she might have lost her virginity to a friend but she claims she doesn't know and can't really remember although when she told me it seemed she could remember the guy doing some things and yet not whether they actually had sex. She says she is embarrassed about the incident and keeps changing the subject but I feel I have to talk about it to get over it and move on. She gets very shy about sex and so I have tried to pretend I've moved on but I feel like I need her to answer my questions honestly but I don't want her to get upset at me. I know everyone is different but how likely is it to forget your first time, especially as she seems to remember some things in great detail and yet contradicts them the next?
Answer
Well, either the situation was traumatic - maybe she was intoxicated or raped, or she just regrets it and keeps trying to pretend it did not happen. You are bothered and need to know, so tell her that you want to have a direct and honest conversation about it, and if it is difficult, encourage her to talk to a counselor about it first.