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Posted on:06/28/2007
Question
I'm having some problems with depression. Im not really sure if thats what it is but i know i'm always feeling sad and upset and always thinking about negatives. This is really affecting my relationship with someone i truly love and i dont know how to resolve it. For example when my boyfriend sits down to watch a movie with me I start thinking I bet he will lean over and kiss me or do something really sweet. Well when it doesnt happen i get upset and start thinking he doesnt love me and i feel all upset and sad and useless. Then my boyfriend gets upset because he doesnt know what he did wrong. I try to explain to him but i dont even know how to explain it because i dont know what is wrong with me. And after my boyfriend says why can't you be happy with us cuddling what did i do wrong? I start to realize it was dumb to get upset and I dont even know why i did get upset. I dont know what is wrong with me. Can you help please!?!?!
Answer
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Dear Teen: It sounds like you have a way of setting yourself up for disappointment by telling yourself what should happen and then interpreting it negatively if your boyfriend does not match your exact expectations. Next time this happens try to stay open to your experience and change your thinking. For example, you could say to yourself "He wants to cuddle and that is a way of showing me he likes me and wants to be close. He doesn't need to do exactly what I think he should do for me to know he cares about me." You can change your feelings by changing how you think about this situation. It is not a good idea to "mind read" what someone else might do.
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Answered By:
Joyce Brothers Kart
, MFT
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