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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Sexual Orientation > Could I be gay?
Posted on: 05/27/2003
Question
Hi. I really need help and an answer to this. My girlfriend and I had been having periodic sex and it had been good. About two months ago, while making love to her, I suddenly began fantasizing that I was having sex with my male roommate. This has really been bothering me, since I never considered myself gay and don't ever recall having had a desire to have sex with another man. Lately, however, these thoughts of wanting to have sex with other men have now turned into much stronger desires. I seem to now want to have sex with other men. So much so, that I am now looking for a boyfriend. Needless to say, this has greatly affected my relationship with my girlfriend. As a result of all this, she and I broke up, but she doesn't know why. Whenever I now masturbate, I find myself fantasizing that I am making it with my college roommate. I am embarrassed to talk to anyone about this. I need answers!!! Am I becoming gay?
Answer
If we could really look at "hard wiring" of humans some would be 100% straight and some 100% gay and most would have the possibility to go either way. As an adolescent you are in a period where you task is trying to figure out where you are on this continuum. Second is a question of personal values. Some people , families, cultures and religions think homosexuality is a normal human option others don't. What are your own personal values and what does it mean if your are different from those around you? It is also not at all unusual for people to get focused on a certain fantasy for a period of time and run it over and over without ever acting on it. I think if you give yourself some time, find someone to talk things over with (possibly your doctor or a therapist) and allow yourself to be clear on both what your desires are as well as what your values are you will come to some clarity on this issue. Remember no matter what the situation always practice safe sex.