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Posted on: 09/24/2007
Question
My boyfriend is 21 and I am 17, I just need the opinion of someone to answer if they think the age difference is too much. My parents don't really want me dating an older guy, but I am in love with him, and he is in love with me. Our relationship is not physical, we just have an amazing time together. How should I tell my parents without having it end horribly?
Answer
It is good that you are open to getting advice, since it can be difficult to hear others' opinions when you really like someone. Although four years may not seem like a lot, there are many changes that happen between 17 and 21. To begin with your boyfriend is an adult, and you are not. If you were to have a sexual relationship, in many states he would be acting illegally, although it's not likely anything would happen to him if the relationship was something you both wanted. More importantly, he has had four years as a young adult, and probably has begun to live on his own and have experiences that change how he thinks and feels. He may be ready for a more serious relationship than makes sense for you. Over the next year or two, you will begin the process of getting out on your own, and you should be able to make the decisions that are best for you, even if they don't fit in with the plans he has made. My guess is that your parents are aware of all these concerns, and would be less worried if you were dating someone your own age. If you do continue to see him, it is really important to make sure that the relationship doesn't go farther in any direction than is comfortable for you. Good luck.