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Thoughts of killing self
Posted on: 01/08/2008
I often fantasize about killing myself, this has been going on for years. Tried therapy, not my cup of tea. Medicine made me actually try to carry my plans out. I'm a god fearing person, so I doubt I'd do it, but I'm afraid of the things I think about, and the bad habits I have. I often bite my tongue on purpose, I've carved words on myself, and whenever I try to talk to someone seriously, I shiver consistently. I can't talk to my parents (trust me on this one), but do you have any ideas on how I can help myself? I've never thought anything of it until now, and I thought it was normal.
Thinking of killing yourself and hurting yourself in the ways you describe are not normal in the sense that this isn't the kind of suffering you should just live with. It sounds as though you've had a hard time finding anyone to talk to--you can't go to your parents and the therapy you tried didn't seem helpful. The fact that you shiver uncontrollably if you try to talk seriously about these problems, makes me think that you're really frightened about what you might do and also frightened about reaching out. It took courage to write and I'm glad you did. However, you need someone to talk to who is present and who has some skill in helping with these kinds of problems --- most probably a counselor of some kind. While you certainly wouldn't want to go back to the therapist you saw before, there are many different approaches to therapy and it's likely that you can find someone who is a good match. Your counselor at school might be able to help you find someone who works for you. Most communities have a suicide crisis line (often listed in the front of the phone book). The national number is 1-800-suicide. You should certainly call if you are frightened that you might actually act on your thoughts of suicide, and in addition the hotline might be another source of referrals. If you are part of a church community, the pastor might also be able to help you find a counselor. The important thing is to find someone you're comfortable with who has the training to be of help.