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    Teen FAQ

    For over 10 years, teens have been asking us questions on every topic imaginable. While we are no longer taking new questions, we have a wealth of information we would like to share with teenagers.

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    Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Relationships > Mother wonders about son looking at porn
    Posted on: 07/13/2003

    Question

    I have a very very smart and intelligent 12 year old son, he is an overachiever and exceeds in everything he does, including sports. He got caught looking at porn sites at an over night visit at his friends house. QUESTION: "How in the world do I approach him in this matter without traumatizing his innocence?" Not that the porn hasn't. It really hurts me that he was exposed to such filth. Is this at all my fault? Or as "THEY" say it's all innocent curiosity. Is this true? The SEX thing is the touchy subject for me, as far as talking to my kids about it. Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, guns, and violence was nothing to approach and talk to them about and seems to have worked. However they are still young. I believe it helps that their dad, uncles, and several family members are police officers, when it comes to the drugs, violence, and etc. issues. However I need your help on tis SEX thing. Maybe something from a woman's, man's, teen's and parent's point of view. Please Help!!!!! Desperate MOM

    Answer

    Congratulations. It sounds like you have already done the hardest part, which is making the decision to talk to your kids about sex.

    There is a list of books to help in the parents section of our Web site (http://www.pamf.org/teen/parents/sex/sex.html) and another great Web site is: http://www.talkingwithkids.org/e-updates/index.htm

    The most important thing to remember is that you cannot fail - just identify that you are uncomfortable but want to help your kids find the information they need. If your son was looking at pornography, ask why he was looking at it - is he curious? Was he looking for information?

    Tell him why you feel pornography is inappropriate for kids his age, tell him to visit this site or other appropriate sites to get information, and then maybe give him a book about sex that is right for his age - and tell him you will keep bringing things up so he can ask questions. You can also encourage him to ask other adult family members about sex if he has questions he does not want to ask you.

    Most importantly - there is nothing wrong with wanting to know about sex - you would just rather he get the information from you.


    Answered By:
    Nancy Brown , Ed.S, M.A., Ph.D.


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