Teen FAQ
For over 10 years, teens have been asking us questions on every topic imaginable. While we are no longer taking new questions, we have a wealth of information we would like to share with teenagers.
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Posted on: 01/23/2008
Question
Hi, I'm 19 years old. I lost my virginity at 18 to a random stranger when I was drunk at a party and was pretty shooken up about it, as the guy never spoke to me after or anything. After that incident, I vowed to never to have sex again like that. However, I continued to do it over and over again and in a span of a year I had 6 other random sex partners, all with alcohol invovled. I've never had a real relationship with another guy or a boyfriend, just random hook-ups. I'm afraid I will never be able to commit to anyone because of my insecurities and my past experiences with men. I feel like I can't give any emotional feelings to a man because every man I have ever been with had used me for one reason. Also, sex has lost all emotional value for me. How can I regain my self-confidence and stop this lifestyle, and also be able to give sex a more meaningful value. Or how can I ever put my past behind me and stop feeling so bitter and sad about love?
Answer
Dear Teen: Just because you've had some bad experience doesn't mean it has to continue. You need to decide that you want to develop more meaningful relationships and look for partners who want the same. It is best to put off having sex until you are sure your potential partner wants what you want and you need to make it very clear. Gay males could assume a more casual sexual behavior unless you are really clear about the type of relationship you are seeking. Alcohol will make it much less possible for you to set those limits. If you are unable to set these limits, it will be important for you to talk with a psyhotherapist who can help you figure out why you keep sabotaging yourself. Love and sex can be very fulfilling but you have to figure out how to build the type of lasting relationship you are seeking.