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Posted on: 09/08/2003
Question
I am a 19 1/2 year old male. My parents were divorced when I was 14 and I now live with my father. A few months ago, while looking for something in my dad's bedroom closet with his permission, I discovered some gay porn videos and magazines belonging to my father, but I never said anything to him about it.
My dad has been hanging out with this guy from work, Eric, for a while now. Lately Eric has been staying overnight here at our house and sleeping in my dad's room. There is only one bed in my dad's bedroom, so I know Eric has been sharing my dad's bed. The other night I heard the sounds of moaning and groaning coming from my dad's bedroom. When I peaked through the door, the both of them were having sex.
I am in shock and experiencing all sorts of emotions right now. I never figured my dad for being gay! Ever since that night, I have not been able to look at him and I talk to him only when spoken to. He keeps asking me what's wrong, but I just can't talk to him about the gay porn stuff I found and that I saw him making love to his friend Eric. I am filled with a lot of anger right now. I can't go to live with my mom, as we really don't get along. I want to just run away, but have nowhere to go.
Please help!!!!!!! I am filled with a lot of anger, confusion and embarrassment.
Dear Teen: It is very understandable that you would be feeling shock and a lot of confusing feelings having found out about your Dad's behavior in such a surprising way. It certainly would have been much better if your Dad had been able to talk with you about this issue and not bring it into the house in such an open way which makes you so uncomfortable. Nevertheless, you need to understand that being gay is a sexual preference and not abnormal behavior. It is unfortunate you had to find out about it in this way, but it does sound like you need to live with your Dad at least for now. It would be most helpful to talk to a trained counselor about your feelings and how to make sense of this for yourself. A counselor could help you figure out how to have some dialogue with your Dad instead of just feeling like running away. Your Dad needs to also learn to be more sensitive to how you feel about his bringing a partner into the house. You have a right to be angry, but it doesn't have to destroy your relationship with your father.
