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Posted on: 09/11/2008
Question
My son, 13 in December, 2008, is showing some ADD symptoms, doing homework for hours but only finish few while listening to music. Lost over 10 things during a summer residency camp, not willing to sit down play piano, aggresive behavior, hanging out with friends while knowing there is homework that needs to be finished, etc. Teachers in elementary school complained that he had problems listening to instructions. What should we do to help him?
Answer
Some ideas----
1. Talk over strengths and challenges to work towards a clear understanding of the problems as you (all) see it. Kids do much better when they perceive their parents are part of the team not the foe. Nagging, berating and yelling are generally not helpful.
2. Have clear structured consistent routines and expectation with both rewards and consequences. Example- homework is from 4:30 to 6 daily and the assignment sheet must have something written for each subject (a 0 if there is no assignment). This must be checked off daily. Back pack organized and ready for next day. Reward-- Internet time. Consequences- Daily or weekly check-in with teachers.
3. Develop a good working relationship with teachers and school counselor. Ask them how they prefer to communicate and when (email, phone etc.). Make it clear you want the team working together and that you be informed about what is going on. Likewise for social activities - consistent expectations, up front rewards and consequences, get to know friends parents.
4. Learn about what the school can do to help -- counseling, SST plans, etc. Find out about these from Parents Helping Parents (www.php.com/) or CHADD (www.chadd.org/) websites. Get informed.
5. If these efforts don't seem to be leading to improvement, talk with you child's doctor. There are times when counseling and/or medication can make a world of difference.
6. More importantly -- remain HOPEFUL and find time for family fun and talk. Kids need you to believe you will all get through a bumpy time and generally, if you can find the right situation, want to talk about themselves. (One last hint--ask indirect questions like -what do you think the kids you know at school think about curfew, or whatever rather than what do you think--). Less direct is often less threatening.
1. Talk over strengths and challenges to work towards a clear understanding of the problems as you (all) see it. Kids do much better when they perceive their parents are part of the team not the foe. Nagging, berating and yelling are generally not helpful.
2. Have clear structured consistent routines and expectation with both rewards and consequences. Example- homework is from 4:30 to 6 daily and the assignment sheet must have something written for each subject (a 0 if there is no assignment). This must be checked off daily. Back pack organized and ready for next day. Reward-- Internet time. Consequences- Daily or weekly check-in with teachers.
3. Develop a good working relationship with teachers and school counselor. Ask them how they prefer to communicate and when (email, phone etc.). Make it clear you want the team working together and that you be informed about what is going on. Likewise for social activities - consistent expectations, up front rewards and consequences, get to know friends parents.
4. Learn about what the school can do to help -- counseling, SST plans, etc. Find out about these from Parents Helping Parents (www.php.com/) or CHADD (www.chadd.org/) websites. Get informed.
5. If these efforts don't seem to be leading to improvement, talk with you child's doctor. There are times when counseling and/or medication can make a world of difference.
6. More importantly -- remain HOPEFUL and find time for family fun and talk. Kids need you to believe you will all get through a bumpy time and generally, if you can find the right situation, want to talk about themselves. (One last hint--ask indirect questions like -what do you think the kids you know at school think about curfew, or whatever rather than what do you think--). Less direct is often less threatening.