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    Teen FAQ

    For over 10 years, teens have been asking us questions on every topic imaginable. While we are no longer taking new questions, we have a wealth of information we would like to share with teenagers.

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    Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Talking to Parents > Q&A
    Posted on: 09/22/2008

    Question

    i still like to sleep in bed at night with my mother or father. they are divorced, but i don't like sleeping in my own bed alone. why? is it normal?

    Answer

    The easy answer is at 14, you need to be sleeping by yourself. This is the time in your life for you to be developing your own voice and independence, and sleeping with parents does not encourage independence.

    However, there are a couple of things for you to think about here. The first is whether you are sleeping with your parent for you or for them. After a divorce, it is very common for kids to "take care" of parents who are sad, but that is not the child's responsibility. The child needs parents, counselors, and other caring adults to worry about them and to take care of the child - which is as it should be.

    Second, you may still be feeling some grief and anxiety about your parents divorce, which is perfectly normal, but you need to find a different way to get comfort. Maybe talking to a counselor is a good idea. Being connected to a parent is great - so find a new way to do that - spend time having a cup of tea or talking with your parent before bedtime, read out loud together, play a board game, snuggle on the couch, whatever you are both comfortable with, but it ends at bedtime.

    Finally sleeping alone will be different - so find a way to comfort yourself. Sleep with a pillow you hug, try a night light, etc... You will get used to it! Good luck!


    Answered By:
    Nancy Brown , Ed.S, M.A., Ph.D.


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