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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Talking to Parents > Daughter had sex
First, if she is having sex with anyone who is three years older (or more), you should report it as abuse.
Second, assuming it is with a same-age peer, I think you need to figure out how you feel about it, and then tell her directly - that you are sad, hurt, angry, that it goes against your values, that you hope her heart does not get broken - whatever you feel.
Third, she is very young and very at risk for sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy. So I would suggest a long talk about using a reliable method of birth control and condoms to protect herself from sexually transmitted infections. She needs to get her HPV vaccines if she has not had all three, she needs to get her first pap exam, and to start on birth control. So she may need you to help her make those appointments with her doctor or your local Planned Parenthood.
Most importantly, no matter how you feel, please be the mom she can talk to - it will be a long road! Good luck!
Nancy Brown , Ed.S, M.A., Ph.D.