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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Puberty > Obsessed 12 year old
Posted on: 09/15/2009
Question
My grandaughter is 12, and lately she is very obsessed with her 15-year-old cousin, to the point where she has to know where he is at what he is doing. She is always looking for the opportunity to be alone with him. My grandson is always trying to avoid her, but she makes it difficult. I need some help as to how approach this matter with her partents before it gets out of hand.
Answer
I would start with you and her parents talking to see that you all see the problem in a similar way. If they don't agree that it is a problem, as you do, they might think you are taking over their job. If they do agree that it is a problem, I would decide who is the right person to talk to her. Whoever talks to her, tell her that her cousin has his group of friends and that he likes to spend time with them. I would encourage and support your granddaughter in doing things with her own group of friends. You might even support her by helping her plan activities with her own friends or providing transportation. Having clear rules for both kids is important. Kids who are "obsessed" need structure, such as not being allowed to gather at a home without an adult supervising, doors open, some checking on internet communication and such. I would hope that the grandson would invite his cousin and her friends to any large event like a party.
Finally if it feels right it might be good to talk to her about teens often having very strong feelings and desires and that part of growing up is being not make bad decisions, like pestering her cousin, based on these feelings. Maybe if you could give some examples of how other kids have made bad choices based on strong desires she would get the idea. Hope this helps.