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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Sexuality, General > Ashamed about first sexual experience
Posted on: 11/20/2009
Question
Me and my girlfriend had sex for the first time yesterday in a place where we didn't want it to happen or expect it. We are both ashamed of the place we did it for the first time. But my girlfriend is crying and telling me she can't look at me and she wants to break up. Me on the other hand wants to talk it out and move forward and start before that night. I told her to take time and come to me when she is ready. Did I do the right thing to give her space? Is it normal for her to be crying? Because I'm ashamed also, but I'm glad it was with someone I care about. Any thing else I should do?
Answer
I am so sorry that your first experience was not what either of you expected. I hope that the two of you can talk and maybe acknowledge that you care about each other and did not want that be the way it happened. Together, maybe you can agree to move forward and make things happen they way you want them to in the future.
I am also sorry that this answer is so late.
First thing I wished you had done was help her find Plan-B or the morning-after pill, since she is likely worried about being pregnant. Her period should likely be due now -- ask about it -- do not let her handle it alone. Second, if there was any alcohol, drugs, or coercion involved, she likely feels assaulted, and you can encourage her to talk to a counselor about her feelings. Third, you both need to let the experience teach you some important lessons and move on. Learning from our mistakes is the best we can do.