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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Family Issues > From Mom -- Too much love too soon
Posted on: 01/25/2010
Question
My son recently developed a relationship with a girl with whom he goes to school. He does not seem to know how to have boundaries when it comes to how much time he spends with her both on the phone, texting, talking, or going to her house, etc. Is there any way to channel him elsewhere? I fear this is all too much too soon. He's 15.
Answer
Sadly, hormones rule and this will be a tough one, but try, try, try to take his perspective and celebrate with him. This is his first love, and if you are not on his side now, he will not come to you about anything sexual that comes up or when his heart is broken!
Be excited with him and ask him to make some time to share a cup of tea or a favorite snack with you. Tell him that you understand that this is the beginning of a part of his life that you can only watch, but that you really want to help him through the ups and downs of love!
You can point him to the ABCs of Healthy Relationships on the We're Talking Teen Health Site (http://www.pamf.org/teen/abc/) and encourage him to read through it with his new love.
Talk about time management and tell him that you really expect his school, sports, music, family and friends, and whatever he is involved with to stay a part of his life because they will help him get into college, and are good for his soul, whatever. You can help keep the relationship part of his world by inviting her to share things with the family you want him to participate in, or start a family project that they can share.
Bottom line: celebrate, love him and set clear expectations!
P.S. Do not start talking about sex. Relationships are emotional first. Encourage him to really become friends with her. Find an activity, maybe community service, they can share.
Be excited with him and ask him to make some time to share a cup of tea or a favorite snack with you. Tell him that you understand that this is the beginning of a part of his life that you can only watch, but that you really want to help him through the ups and downs of love!
You can point him to the ABCs of Healthy Relationships on the We're Talking Teen Health Site (http://www.pamf.org/teen/abc/) and encourage him to read through it with his new love.
Talk about time management and tell him that you really expect his school, sports, music, family and friends, and whatever he is involved with to stay a part of his life because they will help him get into college, and are good for his soul, whatever. You can help keep the relationship part of his world by inviting her to share things with the family you want him to participate in, or start a family project that they can share.
Bottom line: celebrate, love him and set clear expectations!
P.S. Do not start talking about sex. Relationships are emotional first. Encourage him to really become friends with her. Find an activity, maybe community service, they can share.