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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Talking to Parents > Teen Question: Feel bad about behavior
Posted on: 05/05/2010
Question
I am 13, and was adopted at age 2 from a Ukrainian orphanage. I have no real experience with boys. Last fall, I hung out with really nice boy in my class, play fighting. Then I stopped, I felt he wanted more but he didn't ever do anything. Now five months later, we are good friends, hang out but I keep being mean to him, then I feel awful. I'm confused what to do, don't want to lose his friendship but I know he really deeply cares for me and he is always so nice and tolerant. I feel I'm a really bad person. Should I end the relationship?
Answer
Dear Teen,
I would encourage you to examine your feelings for him a little more deeply. For instance, are you "mean" to him because you are frustrated with him not doing anything as you say? Do you want him to express his deeper feelings for you and be more than a nice tolerant friend? Could you find a way to talk with him about your feelings, making clear that you have enjoyed the friendship but are confused sometimes about your behavior? This might be good to talk over with a trusted adult or friend. At your age, many young people are just trying to understand how to have a relationship with the opposite sex, so I do not think your feelings are unusual or that you are a "bad person."
I would encourage you to examine your feelings for him a little more deeply. For instance, are you "mean" to him because you are frustrated with him not doing anything as you say? Do you want him to express his deeper feelings for you and be more than a nice tolerant friend? Could you find a way to talk with him about your feelings, making clear that you have enjoyed the friendship but are confused sometimes about your behavior? This might be good to talk over with a trusted adult or friend. At your age, many young people are just trying to understand how to have a relationship with the opposite sex, so I do not think your feelings are unusual or that you are a "bad person."