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Talking to Parents
Best (but strict) parents!
Posted on: 09/08/2010
Hi I'm a 13-year-old girl and need some advice from you guys. I have the best parents and best two sisters, (I'm the middle one) whom I love with all my heart, but sometimes my parents can be strict and I know it's for my own good. It's just that I go to a girl/boy school, I've been in this school since I was three. And my parents, especially my dad, don't let me go out with my friends if there are guys?-it?s really hard to convince him. But all my friends' dads just say yes. I want my dad to understand that I am mature enough to know from right or wrong and I also want him to know that GUYS AND GIRLS COULD BE FRIENDS! And when I tell him if he trusts me he says "yes, but I don't trust those guys," so what can I say or do to make him trust me more and let me go out with my friends? Because my older sister went to my school and then went to an all girls school so my parents think she only has "girl" friends but the truth is she has as many "guy" friends as "girl" friends. She isn't also allowed to go out with "guy" friends either, and she?s 18 years old. We're both always afraid of asking my dad if we can go out with "guy" friends because we ALWAYS know that the answer will be no! And in the month of August I had my birthday at my house. There were guys too and my dad saw them hugging other girls and you know what guys do they try to flirt and that didn't help at all. He started to lose more and more trust in me. I want to make my dad understand that their generation and our generation are ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!
You and your parents are soooo lucky to have a close and strong relationship. I think it is this relationship that will help all of you come up with some family rules that will be a little looser.
A couple of suggestions. First, ask for a family meeting and ask that your parents hear you out before replying. Start by telling them that they are the best parents and you love them and that you are asking for a little more input on some of the family rules. You might tell them that you value the relationship with them and never want to be in a position where you feel like you have to lie or cover something up, but to have a strong relationship you have to trust that they will hear you out - even when what you want is very different from what they want. You are getting older and need some compromising.
Ask that they hear you out, and then go away, talk, think, maybe talk to others - doctor, counselor, priest or minister, rabbi, and that the family set a second meeting to talk about what you have proposed. Second, outline what you have below, and maybe with your sisters make some concrete suggestions - only time with groups, never without a parent that your parents trust, never with a boy alone anywhere -- car, room, yard -- parent always know where you are and who you are with, etc...
End with the fact that you love them. Take a deep breath, and if this does not work, ask if you can see a therapist, someone who you can trust and talk to about growing up.