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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Talking to Parents > Needing support/stepfather
Posted on: 04/06/2011
Question
I've been having family issues nonstop for the past three to four years. I recently obtained a stepfather and we've been constantly fighting. I honestly feel opressed, and this is an understatement. I had more freedom when I was an 8-year-old than now at 18. My stepfather punishes me for making mistakes and I've tried to change to make this work but I feel as if I'm being punished for not being perfect. I have okay grades I do my chores but sometimes I make mistakes and my privileges keep on dwindling. He gets mad at me for no apparant reason and constantly blames me for everything that goes wrong. My mom is aware of this but chooses to ignore it. I don't expect much from her but I'm holding a bit of a grudge. Am I doing something wrong? Am I not doing enough to make this relationship work? I lived without a father for 14 years of my life. Is this how fathers are supposed to be? I'm home-schooled, I don't go out and have no friends where I live (recently moved).
Answer
First of all, very sorry to hear about your situation. Moving to a new town can be both stressful and isolating, and it can be tough starting out and making new friends. It also sounds like you've been put into a difficult situation with having to start a new relationship with someone that you probably didn't have any choice in living with. The first thing to remember is that the only person you have any control over is yourself. That being said, the place to start in dealing with your stepfather is yourself. What sort of attitude did you start off with; and what sort of attitude do you bring to the table at the present time? It might be important to find ways to develop friendships and relationships outside of the family; and it might also be a good idea to speak with another adult about this situation. How about finding a volunteer or work experience outside of the house, or trying a new hobby.
You might seriously consider speaking
to a counselor about this for support, and to also think about involving a counselor in helping you with your relationship with your stepfather. Ask your parents if your insurance would cover a counselor or ask your doctor.