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Navigate: FAQ Home Page > Family Issues > Controlling my anger
Posted on: 08/15/2011
Question
My dad passed away three years ago and ever since then I have been extremely angry and in a way I am blaming my mom. I have been extremely mean to her over stupid things. I do this because for the small time I had known my father she has always interupted my father's and my moments of bonding to start a fight with him and she wouldn't even let me see him on my birthday because she believed he wasn't capable of seeing me. Even though he was sick, he seemed fine. What do I do to control my anger?
Answer
This is the type of problem that is really good to talk through with someone (who is preferably a trained counselor) who can help you understand your feelings and put them in perspective. When we grieve a loss, and this was a very significant one,it is common to have angry feelings that often get displaced on someone or something else. It would be especially good if the counselor could meet with both you and your mother at some point to try to resolve the hurt and angry feelings about your relationship with your Dad. It sounds like your Mom may have been trying to protect you in some way, but it only made you angry. Your feelings are understandable, but don't suffer with them on your own.