Book Reviews for Parents
- Queen Bees and Wannabes
- The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander
- Easing the Teasing
- The Bully Free Classroom
- Boy Crazy! Keeping Your Daughter's Feet on the Ground When Her Head Is in the Clouds
- How I Look Journal
Queen Bees and Wannabes
By Rosalind Wiseman
Review by Julia Ransohoff, high school student writer
This book is written for fathers, mothers, teachers or guardians of adolescent girls. The author does a great job of incorporating quotations from girls and parents, as well as including tips on communicating with your daughter. There are diagrams of stereotypical schools and information on cliques, racism, bullying, fitting in and much more. There are even a couple chapters on boys. These chapters help parents of girls understand how boy-girl relationships develop at the end of elementary school and in junior high and high school.
I think parents and other adults should read this book so they have a better understanding of every aspect of modern cliques. A very clever feature is the "Landmines." These are little boxes that warn the adults what not to do or say to their daughters if they want to be taken seriously.
I would rate this book a 4 out of 4 because it covers so many aspects of adolescent relationships and struggles both in and out of school. Adults who read this book will have a much clearer idea of how times have changed, but still realize how they can contribute with their past experiences.
Back to top
The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander
By Barbara Coloroso
Review by Katie Ransohoff, high school student writer
The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander, by Barbara Coloroso, features tips on how to deal with bullying at home or school. This book is best for teachers and parents, but it might be helpful for an adult to share some of the information with kids, like the tips about how to handle a bully or what constitutes bullying.
Coloroso makes an important distinction between the bully, the bullied and the bystander and the mixed feelings of innocence, responsibility and guilt that those people may feel. Coloroso's also offers insight into why kids don't tell adults about bullies, and the difference between telling and tattling.
Two additional sections of this book make it stand out: the section on bystanders and the section on friendship. The bystanders are often overlooked in bully situations because they're not necessarily "responsible" for the problem, but Coloroso defines different types of bystanders, such as those who help the bully or those who want to help but are afraid. No bystander is innocent, so teachers and parents need to talk to kids about what to do in this situation.
Overall, this is a practical book with useful advice and tips. I would rate this book 4 out of 4, with 4 being the best.
Back to top
Easing the Teasing
By Judy S. Freedman, MSW, LCSW
Review by Julia Ransohoff, high school student writer
Easing the Teasing is a very informative book for parents of kids being teased. Freedman worked as a social worker in a school district in Chicago for 17 years. The book contains stories from kids who have been teased and their families, as well as success stories from kids Freedman counseled. She covers topics such as having fun vs. making fun of someone and being funny vs. being disrespectful.
Parents would find this book useful because it describes ways to talk to your kids about teasing and relate to their concerns and experience. It also explains how parents can be role models for their children. One feature that surprised me was the section for parents of teasers.
I would rate this book a 4 out of 4 because it covers so many real issues that kids face.
Back to top
The Bully Free Classroom
By Allan L. Beane
Review by Katie Ransohoff, high school student writer
The Bully Free Classroom is an excellent book for anyone who needs support in dealing with bullies. The book is mainly for teachers (and parents/counselors) and has some of the best lessons, handouts and strategies available for kids in grades K-8. The book begins with the idea that anybody can be a bully's target, at anytime, and anywhere. There are ideas on how to help and how to recognize bullying.
The most important part of the book is the lessons for dealing with bullies. There are many resources within the book that are reasonable, easy and most importantly, effective. Many of the ideas are simple but strong, like the "Stop and Think" program: All students have to do is stop what they're doing and think before they act.
The book is divided into three sections: Positive Classroom, Helping Victims and Helping Bullies. There are many handouts or exercises for teachers to photocopy and use in a classroom. This is one of the best bully books available for teachers. I would recommend it or any teacher who sees bullying or victims and wants to create a positive classroom for every student.
Back to top
Boy Crazy! Keeping Your Daughter's Feet on the Ground When Her Head Is in the Clouds
By Charlene Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese
Review by Nancy Brown, Ph.D.
As a developmental psychologist who thinks that teenagers are wonderful, creative and powerful, I knew I was in trouble within the first few pages of this book. Any time puberty is described as a deficit or an oncoming hurricane with emotional turbulence and romantic tornadoes, I tend to run for cover. Once the authors said that a girl's tween years are tinged by the pursuit of true love, I was sure this was going to be a long book, and it was.
The authors' goal seems to be helping parents create a pattern of communication that would allow us to deliver what they call "romantic intelligence," which is a noble goal (helping girls avoid self-defeating romances). However, I would never have believed that anyone would think the tender ages of 10 to 12 were the right years to do that.
I was traveling with six young teens while reading this book. And I just kept looking at them, trying to find the girls the authors describe: viciously competitive girls whose major goal in life is to achieve the highest social status possible; girls who victimize their peers with mean-spirited remarks or subtle put downs; and sneaky, scheming girls whose parents are trying to teach them how to avoid unhealthy relationships. Instead, when looking at the teens that I was with, I saw nice, loving, caring girls. In other words, the girls who the authors describe as getting used, abused and snubbed by the socially elite girls.
It never fit for me. The authors seem to normalize this abusive friendship style while telling us how to protect our daughters from abusive romantic relationships instead of giving parents tips on how to strengthen families and support systems around tweens, so that they are self-assured, confident and part of a group that protects them and encourages them to treat everyone as they wish to be treated.
The authors talk about the impact of Web sites that show college males pursuing a life plan focused on drinking and sex, but they never question what preteens are doing with access to those Web sites and how parents can monitor their children's Internet use.
Another mixed message was that the authors stated that during middle school nearly all young adolescents hit the wall academically and school mattered less. This statement was made after they said that instead of caring about algebra and Spanish classes, "love lessons" should matter more to tweens.
OK, it was not all bad -- the authors encouraged parents to talk to teens and did quote research that reported that asking questions about a child's friends, activities and school work resulted in kids who drank less often, delayed sexual activity and experienced less depression. They also discussed the support needed by gay, lesbian, bisexual or questioning youth and how dangerous the Internet can be, as well as the sad fact that we are teaching our daughters to be dissatisfied with their bodies. However, the positive "take home messages" were sometimes hard to find.
Back to top
How I Look Journal
By Molly Dellheim and Nan Dellheim
Review by Nancy Brown, Ph.D.
The How I Look Journal was designed for middle school girls in 2007 (revised in 2009), and has been used primarily in group settings, although girls can use it by themselves. Counselors and therapists tend to use the topics as a basis for discussions and teachers prefer using the journal in lesson formats. There is also a companion journal (2009) for mothers called "How I Look at my Daughter, Her World, and Her Future."
Given I had the week off I decided to review the copies I was sent and am delighted to say that my teenage daughters and I thought the journals are a great idea. The journal prompts help girls identify and celebrate their inner strengths and attributes, manage stress, accept their bodies and dream!
I found myself thinking that the self-talk section was very important as parents cannot hear what teens are saying to themselves in their own heads. We would like to believe that our kids are affirming their healthy and positive decisions and characteristics, but the reality may be that they are using "bully talk" to themselves, saying things like "I am dumb, ugly inconsiderate, mean ..." These negative statements undermine their self-confidence, but are difficult to change, especially if they are reinforced by comments parents (inadvertently) make when annoyed..
Given that girls in the U.S. may see about 3 thousand advertisements a day and spend nearly twice as much time in a watching T.V. as in school, we have to do something to combat the pressure these girls feel to reach unattainable beauty goals. There are some great resources listed int he book, although I would have added Nancy Redd's book "Body Drama."
The book for moms is particularly important in that we are their role models. My favorite part of the journal for moms were the backstory sections - full of facts and concrete suggestions for how to encourage our children to be healthy! I was surprised the mom journal did not push a little harder for moms to stop commenting on the appearance (clothes, hair, make-up, weight) of people they see and especially greet. I have frequently challenged undergraduate classes to go 24-hours without mentioning anything positive or negative about another person's appearance - and it is HARD - and upsets those around us, who are dependent on our evaluation of their appearance, and assume if there are no comments that there is something wrong with their appearance.
There is a very strong correlation between mom's satisfaction with her own body and a daughter's satisfaction with her own body, so it is important that parents get a grip on what we say about our bodies as well as are non-verbal behavior toward our bodies. These books are a great conversation starter and provide great encouragement to moms to talk with their teens about role models and to bring extraordinary women into their lives!
Given the season, I would like to encourage a New Years Resolution for everyone with teenagers - be conscious of the comments and judgments you make about bodies - your own and other people's - find the beauty in everyone - and encourage your teens to dream, plan and choose a future full of affirming beliefs about their potential and characteristics!
Back to top
