• Queen Bees and Wannabes
• The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander
• Easing the Teasing
• The Bully Free Classroom
• Boy Crazy! Keeping Your Daughter's Feet on the Ground When Her Head Is in the Clouds

Queen Bees and Wannabes

By Rosalind Wiseman

Review by Julia Ransohoff, high school student writer

This book is written for fathers, mothers, teachers or guardians of adolescent girls. The author does a great job of incorporating quotations from girls and parents, as well as including tips on communicating with your daughter. There are diagrams of stereotypical schools and information on cliques, racism, bullying, fitting in and much more. There are even a couple chapters on boys. These chapters help parents of girls understand how boy-girl relationships develop at the end of elementary school and in junior high and high school.

I think parents and other adults should read this book so they have a better understanding of every aspect of modern cliques. A very clever feature is the "Landmines." These are little boxes that warn the adults what not to do or say to their daughters if they want to be taken seriously.

I would rate this book a 4 out of 4 because it covers so many aspects of adolescent relationships and struggles both in and out of school. Adults who read this book will have a much clearer idea of how times have changed, but still realize how they can contribute with their past experiences.

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The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander

By Barbara Coloroso

Review by Katie Ransohoff, high school student writer

The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander, by Barbara Coloroso, features advice and tips that can be utilized immediately to deal with bullying at home or school. This book is best for teachers and parents, but it might be helpful for an adult to share some of the information with kids, like the tips about how to handle a bully or what constitutes bullying. Since a 2001 Kaiser Family Foundation survey showed that three out of four preteens saw bullying daily, kids might find the advice particularly handy.

Coloroso makes an important distinction between the bully, the bullied and the bystander and the mixed feelings of innocence, responsibility and guilt that those people may feel. Another important insight is Coloroso’s analysis of why kids don’t tell adults about problems with bullies, and the difference between telling and tattling.

Two additional sections of this book make it stand out from other books on the same topic: the section on bystanders and the section on friendship. The bystanders are often overlooked in bully situations because they’re not necessarily “responsible” for the problem, but Coloroso defines different types of bystanders, such as those who help the bully or those who want to help but are afraid. No bystander is innocent, so teachers and parents need to talk to kids about what to do in this situation. The small section on friends is also important. There is lots of focus on the negatives in elementary and middle school, so friendships are often overlooked. When adults only hear about bullying, they forget what’s really important: good relationships. Kids need to know what makes a good friend and how to be a good friend in return.

Overall, this is a practical book with useful advice and tips. The innovative approach to discuss all aspects that make bullying possible works well. I would rate this book 4 out of 4, with 4 being the best. This is a useful book for parents, teachers and kids to learn from and use to make classrooms, playgrounds, buses, sleepovers and other environments safer and healthier.

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Easing the Teasing

By Judy S. Freedman, MSW, LCSW

Review by Julia Ransohoff, high school student writer

Easing the Teasing, by Judy Freedman, is a very informative book for parents of kids who are teased by peers. The author worked as a social worker in a school district in Chicago for 17 years. The book contains many reasons for why someone would be teased and many possible solutions. There are stories from kids who have experienced teasing and their families, as well as success stories from kids Freedman counseled. She covers topics such as having fun vs. making fun of someone and being funny vs. being disrespectful.

Parents would find this book useful because it describes ways to talk to your kids about teasing and relate to their concerns and experience. It also explains how parents can be role models for their children. One feature that surprised me was the section for parents of teasers. The book is meant for parents of children who are teased, but the author hopes the section for parents of teasers will be given to teachers or in some way reach those parents.

I would rate this book a 4 out of 4 because it covers so many real issues that kids face. Whether the kid being teased is 5 or 17, this book has strategies that parents can share with their kids to start Easing the Teasing.

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The Bully Free Classroom

By Allan L. Beane

Review by Katie Ransohoff, high school student writer

The Bully Free Classroom, by (a href="http://www.freespirit.com/" target=_blank>Allan L. Beane is an excellent book for anyone who needs help, ideas or support in dealing with bullies, or is just interested to learn more about the subject. The book is mainly for teachers (and interested parents/counselors) and has some of the best lessons, handouts and strategies available for kids in grades K-8. The book begins with the idea that anybody can be a bully's target, at anytime, and anywhere. There are ideas on how to help and how to recognize bullying.

The most important part of the book is the lessons and ideas for dealing with bullies. There are many resources within the book that are reasonable, easy and most importantly, effective. Examples include how to talk to bullies or victims, strategies for appropriate punishment, how to remain objective, and ways to create a safe and supportive classroom environment. Many of the ideas are simple but strong, like the "Stop and Think" program: All students have to do is stop what they're doing and think before they act.

The book is divided into three sections: Positive Classroom, Helping Victims and Helping Bullies, all of which are equally valuable. There are many handouts or exercises for teachers to photocopy and use in a classroom. This is one of the best bully books available for teachers, with its practical advice and usable class activities and papers. I would recommend it or any teacher who sees bullying or victims and wants to create a positive classroom for every student.

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Boy Crazy! Keeping Your Daughter's Feet on the Ground When Her Head Is in the Clouds

By Charlene Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese

Review by Nancy Brown, Ph.D.

As a developmental psychologist who thinks that teenagers are wonderful, creative and powerful, I knew I was in trouble within the first few pages of this book. Any time puberty is described as a deficit or an oncoming hurricane with emotional turbulence and romantic tornadoes, I tend to run for cover. Once the authors said that a girl's tween years are tinged by the pursuit of true love, I was sure this was going to be a long book, and it was.

The authors' goal seems to be helping parents create a pattern of communication that would allow us to deliver what they call "romantic intelligence," which is a noble goal (helping girls avoid self-defeating romances). However, I would never have believed that anyone would think the tender ages of 10 to 12 were the right years to do that.

I was traveling with six young teens while reading this book. And I just kept looking at them, trying to find the girls the authors describe: viciously competitive girls whose major goal in life is to achieve the highest social status possible; girls who victimize their peers with mean-spirited remarks or subtle put downs; and sneaky, scheming girls whose parents are trying to teach them how to avoid unhealthy relationships. Instead, when looking at the teens that I was with, I saw nice, loving, caring girls. In other words, the girls who the authors describe as getting used, abused and snubbed by the socially elite girls.

It never fit for me. The authors seem to normalize this abusive friendship style while telling us how to protect our daughters from abusive romantic relationships instead of giving parents tips on how to strengthen families and support systems around tweens, so that they are self-assured, confident and part of a group that protects them and encourages them to treat everyone as they wish to be treated.

The authors talk about the impact of Web sites that show college males pursuing a life plan focused on drinking and sex, but they never question what preteens are doing with access to those Web sites and how parents can monitor their children's Internet use.

Another mixed message was that the authors stated that during middle school nearly all young adolescents hit the wall academically and school mattered less. This statement was made after they said that instead of caring about algebra and Spanish classes, "love lessons" should matter more to tweens.

OK, it was not all bad -- the authors encouraged parents to talk to teens and did quote research that reported that asking questions about a child's friends, activities and school work resulted in kids who drank less often, delayed sexual activity and experienced less depression. They also discussed the support needed by gay, lesbian, bisexual or questioning youth and how dangerous the Internet can be, as well as the sad fact that we are teaching our daughters to be dissatisfied with their bodies. However, the positive "take home messages" were sometimes hard to find.



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