VOSP is a method of solving arguments used by Girl Ventures, a local program for girls in middle school. During VOSP you use four steps: Voice, Ownership, Shoes and Plan. Using these four steps, you can solve arguments and try to prevent them from happening. Below are guidelines for VOSP. It doesn’t matter what order you go in, but it might help if you tell the other person involved that you are using VOSP.

• Voice
  You both express how you feel using “I feel” statements. You can say, “I feel that so-and-so was (hurtful, mean, etc.) when they (teased me, pulled my hair, called me names, said this, etc.).” Then, the person your VOSPing with says how they feel. However, you can’t say, “I feel like so-and-so was a pain.” That doesn’t work for this method. You need to give a valid reason that you are upset.
  
  
• Ownership
  This is when you acknowledge what you have done. During ownership you acknowledge what you did, what you didn’t do or how you reacted. You pretty much admit to yourself what you did and realize that it might have been wrong. For example: Sarah is hurt because Suzy said her hair was weird, and then the two girls got into an argument about it.
  
  • Suzy: I guess I didn’t have to say that her hair was weird.
    
  • Sarah: And I didn’t have to start arguing with her because of something like that.
  
  
• Shoes
  During this step of VOSP, you put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and think about how they reacted to what you did, how they felt and how you would feel if that happened to you.
  
  • Suzy: If I were her, I wouldn’t like it. I would feel hurt and maybe a bit sad.
    
  • Sarah: She might not have seen the remark as hurtful, and I might have said something similar to state my opinion.
  
  
• Plan
  Now you make a plan to avoid similar conflicts in the future, get along better and let go of what happened.
  
  • Suzy: In the future I will try to be a little more careful with what I say. I will take people’s feelings into account before I comment.
    
  • Sarah: I’ll try to not let comments bother me so much, because it is only one person’s opinion.
  
  This part of VOSP is actually important in making it clear that you will both try to work to prevent future arguments.
  
  VOSP can work with between two adults, two kids or an adult and a kid. VOSP doesn’t have to be between just two people, it can also be helpful in situations with multiple people or large groups. A neutral person, who can act as the mediator between the groups, can also be included to make sure that harsh words aren’t involved.
  
  Feel free to use this in everyday life as a problem-solving method. It can help a lot. I can say from experience that if you just talk to the person, it might do more good than you’d think, even though it may be hard.