The Atoms Family
Chapter One: Andrea's Decision
Author: Belize Lane, high school student writer
You know it's a bad sign when your parents call you into the living room for a talk. Brian and I spent the first week of summer building a fort with our friends in the backyard, and it was almost finished. We just needed a couple more blankets, and then we'd have our very own house that mom and dad couldn't tell us to clean up. I was running upstairs to Brian's room to grab the last blankets when my parents noticed I was inside. "Andrea, grab your brother and come in here please, we want to talk to you guys," my father's voice echoed up the stairs. Great, just when we were ready to start playing. "Sure," I called in my irritated voice, hoping they would take the hint and leave me alone. It didn't work. Finally tearing Brian away from his friends, we walked slowly into the living room, noticing our parents' upset expressions. "What is it?" Brian, being the loud boy he is, broke the silence right away. "Have a seat." My mom gestured to the couch, and then nudged Dad. "Go ahead." You could tell they were uncomfortable.
After a talk that seemed to go on forever, Brian and I found ourselves sitting on my bed, dazed from all the information. Brian wanted me to tell him again so he could understand it better. "Ok, Grandpa Harold has a disease called dementia, which means that he can't live by himself any more because it's not safe. He's going to come live with us permanently, so I have to move into your room." I looked at him closely, and then lay down on my bed. I love my brother, but he's a boy, and he's nine years old. I wanted my own room, thank you very much. Staring up at the ceiling, I silently promised myself that I wouldn't get angry. Everyone teases me about having a bad temper, and I know it's true. I sat up, sighed, and started to gather my stuff. Grandpa Harold was coming the next morning, and I was officially kicked out of my room at nine AM. So much for breaking the news slowly…
After hours of sorting and moving, I was almost done. I stayed in my room more to give my parents the silent treatment than to actually work, but looking at my empty room I realized I had done a lot. My dad walked in and put his hand on my shoulder. "Thanks, Andrea, I know this is hard for you." I almost started to yell, but instead I only muttered "it's ok" under my breath and glared at him. Ignoring my glare, he kept talking. "My dad, I mean Grandpa Harold, is sick. I know we told you he has dementia, but I don't think we told you exactly what that meant. He is losing his memory, and this means a lot of different things. It means he may forget his name, or yours, but don't take it personally, he can't help it. He may do some strange things, but just call me if you don't feel comfortable. I have to go work out all the arrangements. Thanks again, honey." His back disappeared as he closed the door behind him. Strange things… whatever that was supposed to mean.
By the end of the next day, I knew exactly what Dad meant when he said Grandpa might act strangely. At first everything seemed alright, except that I had woken up in my brother's room instead of mine. Grandpa Harold was a big, hairy, old man, and he smelled like cigars and sticky sweet cologne. Brian was in awe, and wouldn't stop staring. I couldn't help being offended when he called me Annie, even though Mom assured me he couldn't help it. "He is in his middle stage," she kept telling me. I soon realized that this meant he was getting worse, and quickly.
In the weeks that followed, I stopped inviting friends over. In fact, I stopped talking to them altogether, afraid that they might find out about my grandpa. Brian was still confused about what was happening, and he still had not gotten into his head that Grandpa Harold was here for good. Or should I say Grandpa Harry. Every time I call him by his name he yells at me and tells me I'm calling him the wrong name. It seems like he gets upset by just about everything, so I've started making up every possible excuse to avoid him. I guess this is what the "middle stage" is like.
Dad brought home a bunch of books so we could read about Grandpa's disease. It said it was perfectly normal for him to be angry and that it had nothing to do with us. That made me feel a little better, even though it still hurt my feelings. Brian tapped me on the shoulder. "How can it be normal for Grandpa to hate us, Andrea?" He looked up at me with his big brown eyes, searching my face for answers to questions I didn't understand. "He doesn't hate us," is all I could say.
The next day my best friend, Kira, called. She lived in a different city so it wasn't that strange that I had not talked to her in weeks. She said her house was getting remodeled and she was wondering if she could live with me for a few weeks. I could tell she expected me to say yes right away. I hesitated. "Are you ok?" she pushed me to tell her what was wrong. She was my best friend; of course she could tell I was hiding something from her. "Fine," I replied, as brightly as possible. "But I'm busy, sorry. My family's going on a trip." I hung up and ran to my bed, trying not to cry. I hoped that my brother would know to knock, even if it was his room, too. The door opened almost immediately. "Brian! You have to knock!" No answer. I turned around to yell again, and suddenly I realized it wasn't Brian. Grandpa Harold was standing in the doorway, which wouldn't have been that unusual, because he never knocked, except that he didn't have any pants. I looked away quickly and pretended I had not seen. "Annie, do we have any tape?" Without waiting for an answer, he walked out and started down the hall. I sprawled out on my bed and started to cry.
Hours later, there were no more tears left, but I still had a terrible feeling in my stomach from lying to my best friend. I had to make a decision. Should I tell her about my grandpa or should I just keep avoiding her? If I told her, I knew she would have to stay with me. Even though she was my best friend, I didn't know how she would react to seeing my grandpa in his underwear asking for tape. I felt so terrible about lying to her, but it saved the pain and embarrassment of having to talk about my grandpa. What should I do?
What would you tell Andrea to do?
Click here to tell Andrea what you think she should do. You will see how your peers advised her, too. Then you will see what she decided.
References
MacE, Nancy L. and Peter V. Rabins MD. The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for Persons with Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses, and Memory Loss in Later Life. Warner Books. 2001. ISBN: 0446610410.
Alzheimer's Society. Caring for someone with dementia. Accessed July 2004.
Books for Kids
Bahr, Mary. The Memory Box. Albert Whitman & Company. 1995. ISBN: 0807550531.
Kibbey, Marsha. My Grammy. Lerner Pub Group, 1988. ASIN: 0876143281
Park, Barbara. The Graduation of Jake Moon. Aladdin Paperbacks. 2002. ISBN: 0689839855.
Willner-Pardo, Gina. Figuring Out Frances. Houghton Mifflin Co. 1995. ISBN: 0395915104.
Books for Adults
Davidson, Ann. Alzheimer's: A Love Story. Carol Publishing Corporation: Ontario. 1997.
DeBaggio, Thomas. Losing My Mind : An Intimate Look at Life with Alzheimer's. Free
Press. 2002. (also available on audio tape/CD, in large size font books and an e-book)
Mace, Nancy L., and Rabins, Peter V. The 36-Hour Day. Warner Books: New York. 2001.
Tanzi, Rudolph E., and Parson, Ann B. Decoding Darkness. Perseus Publishing: United
States. 2000.
Websites
Alzheimer's Association. Accessed July 2004.
American Psychiatric Association. Alzheimer's Disease. Accessed July 2004.
National Institute of Aging. Alzheimer's Disease and Education Referral Center.
Accessed June 2004.