By Teens
Friendship and Fitting In
by Derek Chan, Senior at Palo Alto High School
There was once a world of innocence and bliss. A world where there were no worries such as stress, grades or peer pressure. For me, that world was at Hoover Elementary School. As a young child, I was with all the friends I'd ever need. We'd have fun in everything we did: running across playgrounds, playing soccer and basketball games during lunchtime, trading comic cards with each other...a perfect world all our own; completely free of any problems that we'd experience years later, academically and socially alike. Everyone was so close to each other that none of us worried about anything. There were no such things as stereotypes or peer pressure back then. But for me, a world like that wouldn't stay forever -- and it didn't.
When that world disappeared, I discovered myself at Jordan Middle School. Being a student there was the experience of a lifetime, but not necessarily a happy one. The first time I set foot there, I felt myself thrown into a place that couldn't be further away from home. All of my friends from Hoover graduated to the other middle school in Palo Alto, leaving me alone in the midst of crowds of strangers. This is how I learned the definitions of stereotypes and peer pressure. I realized that Jordan would be a whole different world to me, and for some reason, people there seemed to be a lot more selfish, rude, insulting and loud than I ever thought possible. I still remember the lonely times of eating lunch by myself, not knowing anyone else and afraid to befriend others. Those were the hardest times because reality wouldn't reunite me with my Hoover friends, thus leaving ahead the struggles to fit in with strangers, although that meant becoming one of "them." With that in mind, I realized that friendships would have to start all over again and be formed from the very beginning. That wasn't easy because deep inside, I didn't want to be a loud kid who just had to be mean, swearing or "cool" as a result of peer pressure. To me, it didn't seem to be the right step to take. Such a radical change would simply just not be myself. Thus, I decided not to be a part of the harsh, new world that I was thrown into.
Fortunately, a few others decided not to as well. After the first lonely months of sixth grade, I met a boy named David. He was weird in a sort of way: energetic, smart and talkative. Yet he didn't have any friends to hang around with and didn't fit in with the people around him either. Nonetheless, I found his presence to be a relaxing one. I didn't realize it back then, but I found one of the closest friends that I'd ever have. His open and accepting personality hasn't changed since the day I met him. Somewhere in my mind, I was thankful that I finally found a friend to be with. Was it perhaps because David was a loner like myself? Perhaps. However, the fact remains that I now had formed a solid, stable friendship in spite of all the difficult circumstances that I had to face. Even today, I'm thankful that I resisted being "cool" with the other students.
There are many, many young people out there with the same problem I once had. Some grow out of it, while others continue to struggle the way they are. It is difficult to simply say to them, "Just hang in there and one day everything will be all right for you," because everything is easier said than done. Then again, they don't deserve to hear "you're just not cool enough" or "you will always be alone, no matter where you are," for nothing could be further from the truth. I am living proof of how that could change, of how a friend can all of a sudden pop up in your life and fill that gap you deeply feel inside. One way or the other, everything will work out in the long run. It is common that we don't even realize it ourselves, but long periods of time spent waiting -- sometimes even years -- will be rewarded if you stick to your values and what you believe is right, no matter how intense the peer pressure. Then in the end, you'll know that you've found your place, even with a friend. And most importantly, you'll be happy.
Disclaimer: This article was written by a members of the public, not associated with the Palo Alto Medical Foundation, the Palo Alto Medical Clinic, or Sutter Health. The information contained herein is the opinion of the author's nd not necessarily that of your health care provider, the Palo Alto Medical Clinic, the Palo Alto Medical Foundation or Sutter Health. This information is provided for your general information and education only, and should not be relied upon for personal diagnosis or treatment.
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