"Self" -- That's easy. That's you!

"Esteem" -- This word is a bit trickier. It is not a word that most teens use on a daily basis. Not even a weekly basis. The dictionary, defines the word as "to hold in high regard" which means "to really like a lot." For example, you really like your best friend, you really like your favorite teacher, or you really like your parents. You get the picture. These are people you trust, respect and enjoy spending time with.

• What is self-esteem?
• Why is it important?
• How do you get it?
• Think for yourself!
• More Questions and Answers

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem means you really like yourself, both inside and out. It refers both to how you look and what you believe in. This is also called "positive" or "high" self-esteem.

Sometimes it's easy to like who you are. You feel great when you pass a test, score a winning touchdown, or tell a funny joke that everyone laughs at. But how do you feel about yourself when you just said something stupid or fumbled the football? You sometimes feel dumb or left out of the action. You start wishing you were someone else or that you could change how you look. You think you aren't good in school, on the team or part of the cool crowd. This is "low" or "negative" self-esteem.

We sometimes let others tell us how to feel about yourself. From the day you were born, your parents, and later your teachers and friends, have been influencing your decisions. TV shows and music videos tell you what to wear and how to look. Music and magazines tell you how to feel and how to act.The good news is you can learn to like yourself or have positive self-esteem. You are the one in control; you can make the difference.
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Why is it important?

As a teen, you now have more responsibility to choose between right and wrong. Your parents are no longer constantly by your side. Positive self-esteem gives you the courage to be your own person, believe in your own values, and make a the right decision when the pressure is on.

Your friends can put a lot of pressure on you. You want to be part of a group or crowd. The crowd may be the "cool" crowd, the "jock" crowd, the "computer" crowd, or the "brainy" crowd. Belonging to a crowd is a part of growing up; it helps you learn to be a friend and learn about the world around you.

It's okay to want to be liked by others -- but not when it means giving in to pressure. Your friends are now making many of their own decisions. And their decisions may or may not be good for you.

It's never worth doing things that could hurt you or someone else. For instance, drinking alcohol or using other drugs, having sex before you are ready, joining a gang or quitting school can all lead to trouble.
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How do you get it?

Be honest with yourself. Figure out your strengths and weaknesses. Don't beat yourself up over your weaknesses. Don't compare yourself to others. It's hard at times, but accept yourself.

• Set realistic goals for yourself.
• Try to get the most out of your strengths and do your best, without demanding unrealistic results of yourself.
• Celebrate your achievements.
• Trust your own feelings.
• Take it one day at a time. Do your best each day.

Consider what can happen if you give in to the wrong decision. Drinking and driving can lead to serious injury or death. Sex may lead to pregnancy and/or STDs/STIs (sexually transmitted diseases or infections) including AIDS. Joining a gang may lead to illegal behavior and even jail. Quitting school takes away your best chance to be successful later in life. It is not always going to be easy to stick to your values, but you will be happier if you do.
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Think for yourself!

Only you know what is best for you. If you let your friends think for you, you'll never get where you want to go. When you value and respect yourself, it helps you avoid making a bad decision, which may affect the rest of your life.

If you need help, where do you go?

If you are having a hard time deciding what the right thing to do is, look to your parents, a favorite teacher or counselor, to help. Watch them. Question them. Learn from them.

They want to help you. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Adults expect kids of all ages to ask for help. This includes the "kid" who is 40 years old asking his or her parents for some advice. Human beings learn by seeking help from others, especially those who have had more "life experience" than we have -- it is a natural thing. You are never too old or too young to ask for help.
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More Questions and Answers

Is it easy to change your self-esteem?

No. It means taking some time to understand who you are -- what you like, don't like, feel comfortable with, and what goals you have. Ask for help from your parents, a school counselor and your friends to find the answers. This takes time and hard work. It's a lifelong process, but it's worth the effort!
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Does self-esteem guarantee success?

Success on tests? Success playing sports? Success with friends? No, but if you keep trying and doing your best, you are a success. Remember, having positive self-esteem will help you to achieve what you want. But when you don't succeed, it helps to accept the situation and move on.
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Does self-esteem mean being self-centered or stuck-up?

No. Kids who act this way usually are trying to pretend they are something they are not. In fact, they often have low self-esteem.
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Can I help others feel good about themselves?

Yes. Don't put others down. Be patient with your friends and family when they fall short. We all make mistakes from time to time.
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