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Getting Support from Others

Traumatic experiences often leave you feeling misunderstood, isolated and alone. Seeking support from people close to you is one of the most effective ways of coping with a traumatic experience.

Unfortunately, sometimes teens can't find this support in their families. However, schools, churches, therapists, and extended family members can all serve this purpose. If you do not feel "connected" to any adults, find a counselor who can help and get involved with a positive activity where you feel good and people value you! (If money is a deciding factor in whether you seek professional help, be aware that there are many support programs free for teens; not sure how to find a therapist? Check out PAMF's resource on finding a therapist for teens.)

Benefits of social support
Talking and spending time with people who are supportive and understanding is an important way to help recover from a trauma. It can:

Reduce the painful feelings about the trauma and improve your understanding of them

Lessen the frequency and impact of your thoughts about the trauma

Improve your mood

Help you find solutions

Help you feel less alone and isolated

Through social support, you can re-engage in your life, resume social activities and perhaps find meaning in what happened to you.

Types of Support

In thinking about your support network, think about asking for different kinds of help from different people. Seeking support can include reaching out in a number of ways, including:

Telling your story of what happened
Sharing thoughts and feelings
Talking about how it is affecting you
Talking about worries and concerns
Getting help with child care, paperwork, and cooking, cleaning, and other household chores
Inviting others to do things that are fun, meaningful, or distracting
Asking for a hug, kiss, or physical comfort

Some people want to talk to a sibling, parent, priest or rabbi, doctor, counselor, or other person that knows you well. Others want to talk to someone who is not involved in their daily lives. The most important thing is to find a support person who is:Supportive

Trustworthy

A good listener

Available emotionally

Talking to a professional helper
Many trauma survivors benefit from talking to a professional helper, such as a priest, rabbi, or other member of the clergy, a doctor or nurse, or a counselor (psychologist, social worker, psychiatrist). You should contact a professional helper immediately if you are:

Feeling sad or depressed for what seems like most or all the time
Feeling anxious or having distressing thoughts for what seems like most or all the time
Having continuing difficulty working or meeting daily responsibilities
Increasing your use of alcohol or street drugs, or using them to cope
Overusing prescription medications
Thinking about hurting/killing yourself or someone else

Other survivors benefit from talking with a support group of people who have had a similar experience.
Things to talk about
Common themes discussed with counselors include:

Thoughts that are too overwhelming to manage
People close to you that are not supportive
Feeling isolated, without close family or friends
A traumatic experience that you don't feel comfortable discussing with someone in your daily life
Feeling sad, depressed or anxious for what seems like most or all the time
Having continuing difficulty working or meeting daily responsibilities
Increasing your use of alcohol or street drugs, or using them to cope
Overusing prescription medications
Thinking about hurting/killing yourself or someone else

Obstacles to support

Sometimes it might feel difficult to reach out, but it is important. You may find yourself:

Worrying that you will be a burden to others
Thinking you should be over the trauma
Fearing that you will get upset or lose control
Feeling angry, irritable or that no one understands you

Overcoming obstacles

Remember that people care about you and want to help
Realize that seeking support can help
your recovery
Push yourself to spend time with others
Allow yourself to think and feel about the trauma and to share these feelings with others when you feel ready

Last reviewed July 2011 by Dr. Nancy Brown and Shelley Kind
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