Combining Gender and Sexual Orientation to Limit Your Choices

At some point, you've probably heard a homophobic remark, such as someone saying "That's so gay!" to indicate dislike or disapproval. Often, people dismiss these comments or think they don't really harm anyone. However, these comments and the attitudes that underlie them can actually have a lot of negative consequences for people of all sexual orientations.

The reason people make these remarks, whether they know it or not, is homophobia: the irrational fear of homosexuality that results in prejudice and discrimination towards lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people. In this section, we'll examine the causes of homophobia and a related phenomenon, heterosexism, discuss how these attitudes affect people of all sexual orientations negatively, and suggest ways that you can combat homophobia in your daily life to make your community a safer and more affirming place for everyone.

• Causes of Homophobia
• Fighting Homophobia: How to Be an Ally

Causes of Homophobia

Homophobia is directly related to both power and sexism. Sexism is the belief that men are superior to women, resulting in prejudice and discrimination towards women and femininity. Sexism systematically gives men more power than women.

This is a broad statement, so let's examine a little how sexism works. Consider two things that are sometimes joked about or considered strange or unnatural: men doing housework and women being advanced scientists. The idea of men doing housework is made fun of because housework is considered "women's work," or beneath men. In general, however, men are thought to be capable of doing housework (or capable of learning to do housework).

In contrast, the notion of women being advanced scientists is made fun of because of stereotypes that all women are unable to do advanced science. In general, women are (wrongly) thought to be incapable of being advanced scientists. While there are clear distinctions between advanced science and housework, jokes about these two things follow a clear pattern of sexism: tasks that women usually perform are seen as beneath men, and tasks that men usually perform are seen as above women.

One consequence of this system, besides devaluing women, is creating strict gender roles. Gender roles are the behaviors that society thinks are appropriate for men and women. What's wrong with strict gender roles? In the context of homophobia, strict gender roles devalue homosexuality and bisexuality by saying that it is only appropriate for a woman to be sexually or romantically involved with a man and for a man to be sexually or romantically involved with a woman. This leads to a culture that privileges heterosexuality over homosexuality, a system known as heterosexism.

How is heterosexuality privileged? Consider the following list, containing privileges that heterosexual people have simply by being heterosexual but that are often denied to homosexuals:

• Publicly holding hands or displaying affection with someone you love without fearing for your safety
  
• Bringing your significant other to a work, school or family gathering without having to worry about losing your job or alienating others
  
• Being able to marry someone you love
  
• Having people assume the correct gender of those you might be attracted to, such as by asking if you think someone of the opposite sex is "hot"
  
• Being considered "normal"

There are many other privileges that heterosexuals gain in our society that are not extended to homosexuals or bisexuals -- can you think of any more? These privileges demonstrate that sexism and gender roles depend on heterosexuality. Since homosexuality challenges the notion that all people are heterosexual, it challenges sexism and gender roles. The result of this clash can be homophobia.

As mentioned above, homophobia often results in discrimination and prejudice, and it is an irrational fear. Homophobia affects people of every orientation, but it also has specific consequences for those who are not heterosexual. At school, many non-heterosexual students are insulted with homophobic remarks or fear disclosing their sexual orientation. Compared to heterosexual students, it is less acceptable in many communities for these students to date those they are attracted to or bring romantic interests to school events and dances, like prom. This can lead to feelings of isolation or shame, and also to violence against students who are or are believed to be non-heterosexual. Notably, in the Massachusetts Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS), described elsewhere on this site, students who identified as lesbian, gay or bisexual, or who had had same-sex sexual contact, were five times more likely than other students to miss school because of feeling unsafe.

There are also many problems caused by homophobia that affect people of all sexual orientations. It limits everyone's choices for how to express themselves and how to act. For instance, a recent New York Times article entitled "The Man Date: What Do You Call Two Straight Men Having Dinner?" discussed "a stigma around male intimacy" that was often associated with a "concern about being perceived as gay." Two men having dinner together or socializing violates our society's gender roles and notions of masculinity: It is perceived as unmanly.

Doesn't it seem a bit limiting to prevent men from showing they care about one another or just want to catch up with one another simply to protect gender roles? This is a consequence of homophobia. If you consider what colors are deemed appropriate for men and women to wear, what behaviors men and women are supposed to enact, and what things men and women are supposed to be interested in, you might become a bit angry at how many of your choices are limited by gender roles!
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Fighting Homophobia: How to Be an Ally

Now that we have a better understanding of homophobia, heterosexism and gender roles, the question remains: what can you do to reduce the impact of homophobia in your daily life? Clearly, whether you're gay, bi, straight or unsure, homophobia affects and limits you, and thus, it's up to everyone to fight this phenomenon. People fighting homophobia are often referred to as allies; they respect LGBT people and want to help make society a safer and more welcoming place for everyone.

Here are some tips for being an ally:

• If you hear someone make a homophobic remark, ask them what they mean by it or clearly express your disagreement with that attitude. You don't have to be preachy, but let people know that it isn't cool to be homophobic and that you don't want to be around that attitude.
  
• Don't assume you know what gender someone finds attractive, what gender someone went on a date with or the gender of someone's significant other. By being gender-neutral when you ask about someone's date, you might make that person more comfortable and also make others who are listening more comfortable.
  
• Join or form a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) in your school. GSAs are clubs that support students of all orientations working together to combat homophobia and raise awareness of how to make a more welcoming community.
  
• Don't privilege gender roles. You can do this by avoiding statements like "Why are you wearing pink -- that's a girl color!" or "She has him whipped!" These statements devalue individual choices and relationships and wrongly suggest there are specific roles that are right and wrong for men and women.

Can you think of any more ideas for how to be an ally? Send them to , and we'll put them up to help other teens!



Sources:

Outlet UNIQUE (Understanding Issues in the Queer Experience) Homophobia Workshop. Outlet is a program of the Community Health Awareness Council in Mountain View, CA.

Lee, Jennifer. "The Man Date: What Do You Call Two Straight Men Having Dinner?" The New York Times. 10 April, 2005, Late Ed.: Section 9, Page 1.

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