Sexual Experience: The First Time
Having sex for the first time can be wonderful, especially for those who are emotionally ready and protected against disease and unwanted pregnancy. But for others it may be a little dull, too short or even a little painful. Sex can enhance a caring relationship, but if you do experience problems, it may be an indication that you and your partner may need to take things more slowly or not have sex. Your body may be telling you something.
Possible Problems and Helpful Tips
If you plan to have sex, we encourage you to talk with a parent, guardian, doctor, teacher, older sister, older brother or someone else with knowledge that might help you to think through your decision. Talking with someone is also important if you have had sex already but are experiencing problems. We understand that talking about this subject may be uncomfortable for you. But having someone available who can answer your specific questions and who understands you can be a tremendous help.
If you are looking for more basic information, we have listed below some common problems with sex and general suggestions.
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Knowing the Body
Every person's body is different, and what pleases one person may not please another. Getting to know your partner's body before having sex is a crucial step for both of you to enjoy the experience.
If you have skipped this step, it's not too late to go back. Ask your partner what he or she likes and dislikes. If you and your partner are still not sure, there are many books and Web sites with additional information on sensuality and physical pleasure. Put emphasis on getting to know your partner, not on sex.
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Knowing the Mind
There are many nerves and erogenous zones in the body, but how your mind feels makes the most difference in whether sex is enjoyable. Picture two different scenarios. In the first, think about how you feel when someone you find attractive touches your arm. It can almost feel electric! But what if that touch comes from someone who makes you annoyed or uncomfortable? It likely gives you a feeling of "yuck," something you want to stop as soon as possible.
Same kind of touch, different state of mind. Sex is similar. If you or your partner is not ready for sex -- if you are worrying about pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), the relationship, trust or the test tomorrow -- it won't be that pleasurable for either of you. Your mind is the largest sense organ, and it's a barrier to a good time if it's just not the right time. Listen to your head and your feelings. If it doesn't feel right, don't convince yourself that it is. Is it not worth the risks of pregnancy, STIs, or hurting your relationship.
If intimacy is your goal, there are many things you can do to get closer to your partner without having sex. See our page about "not doing it" for more suggestions. You should not have sex if you aren't 100 percent sure that sex is right for you and/or your partner, if you are feeling pressured, or before you and your partner have discussed what sex will be like and how you will protect each other from disease and/or pregnancy.
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